Stepping Outside Myself To Learn

We attended a gathering of friends. One gal who I hadn't seen for months was avoiding eye contact with me. During the evening she sent me subtle signs of dislike. Sometimes she injected negative comments into the general conversation that I sensed were directed at me.

Before I learned about Birth Order, I might have been hurt by the offenses intended. Instead, I found this behavior interesting and decided to see what I could learn from her.

I observed that her conversation was often blunt and unfeeling of others. No matter what topic was being discussed, she was outspoken in her criticism. Finally, she made a cutting remark about our home.

At last, I figured out what was bothering her.

She believes that she and her husband are vastly underpaid and that nearly everyone else is doing better than they are. She does not see people as getting rich due to their own efforts; she believes that rich people somehow have attained abundance by stealing from the poor. She is a staunch supporter of any politician who says he'll take from the rich and give to the poor, and considers herself in the poor category. This despite having a much better than average income and benefits. Although neither are spendthrifts, this attitude towards money has had a negative effect on their ability to use their surplus to create what they want. Instead they are constantly thinking about how they have less than others and it becomes their truth. They've invested their cash supply in their dwelling and they have not experienced the expected financial gain. The wife sees us as creating the home we desire. Life isn't fair, in her view. We have become symbols of what she wants but hasn't achieved. She is angry.

Lessons learned: Had I not understood personality, I probably would have spent the evening asking myself what had I done wrong to make my friend behave badly. When I couldn't think of a reason, I probably would have felt vaguely guilty anyway, that somehow this was my doing.

By stepping outside myself thanks to understanding of Cliff Isaacson's Birth Order, I have begun to really see others for who they are and how they think without my own personality getting in the way. By being detached, I am learning important life lessons.