Roots Of Abuse: A True Story

Origins

In the early 1900s, a couple had a son. Since he was their only child in an era of large families, they doted on him. The father started a business in their small town that had to do with money and property. The business was successful, so their son wanted for nothing, and grew up feeling he was special.

While still a teen, the son got another teenager pregnant. This was a different era; the parents were horrified. Their son's behavior reflected badly on them, and perhaps they feared it might jeopardize their business, their standing as upright church members, etc.

Word of the situation had gotten out, so sending the girl away to have the baby would not keep it secret. The girl and her family were financially unable to keep the child, the son did not want to be a father or a husband, and so it was decided that the grandparents would raise the baby boy. This child was destined to become an abusive personality.

Development

The son moved far away before his baby boy was born, never to return. Growing up, the grandson could not help but be aware of his origins. His rages got him into a bit of trouble, but his grandparents managed to take care of each incident before it got out of hand.

The grandson was groomed for the business, and took to it well. He loved wheeling and dealing in business deals, out-smarting others, cleverly using advantages to his favor often without the other party's awareness. Most folks in town were forced to do business with him, one way or another, and that was just the way he liked it. The business flourished, and the family was considered rich, powerful and prominent in the community.

When it was time, he took a wife, one who wouldn't be too troublesome, one he could control. She was eager to please him. She bore him children, and bore his abuse and unfaithfulness. I was her friend.

When he was ready, he demanded a divorce. My friend was devastated emotionally, and helpless against his careful plans to hide their money and make her look bad in court. Her lawyer, unfamiliar with this personality, could not deal effectively with her husband. The settlement left the wife nearly destitute.

Several years go by.

The grandson had no interest in marrying again. That is, until my very good friend lost her husband in an accident. He had provided well for my good friend, who was now young, pretty, and wealthy. She had been a happy, only child from a family of means, thus inheriting even more. The abusive grandson calculated how long he should wait after the husband's death. As soon as possible, he courted her, making her feel like a queen. When he proposed, she said yes and he whisked her away immediately to get married before she had time to think.

The abusive grandson showed his true colors behind closed doors on their wedding night. My good friend had no idea he could behave in this way. She resolved to do everything she could to make him happy.

My good friend believed food was one way to a man's heart. She delighted in making wonderful menus for his every meal and willingly met his demand to be served. He sat in the dining room while she dished up food on his plate in the kitchen. Only after he had approved of the food could she sit down. If anything he ate displeased him, he would throw it, plate and all, across the dining room. The plate would shatter on the wall, the food smearing up the wallpaper and the carpeting as he raged at her.

Still, my good tried to make the best of things for a while. She kept thinking about the wonderful man who courted her, decided that perhaps he was under undue pressure at work, that the nice man she married would return in due time.

Secrets of abuse

My good friend and I walked 3 or 4 miles each day for exercise. Even so, I had no inkling of what her private life was like. Nor did I reveal to her that I was living with an abuser, also.

The abusive husband had secrets, too. He often would ask my good friend to sign documents that she hadn't read. He'd tell her they were insurance forms or some such, and she willingly did as he asked, trusting him.

Later, when she filed for divorce, she found out what those documents were about. They had transferred all of her assets to her abusive husband! He'd sold all her property, even that which had been in her family for generations, without asking or telling her. He'd taken her cash and investments and secreted them in accounts under his sole name. She was nearly destitute.

But unlike the first wife, she decided to do battle. She got a smart lawyer from out of town, one who knew the kind of tricks a deceitful husband might employ. She came out of the divorce with her net worth restored and a chunk of his, to boot. Angry, he threatened her, so she moved away and changed her name.

Epilogue

I saw the abusive husband for the first time in over 25 years at a social event. He was married again, to a women he'd had almost constant affairs with throughout his first and second marriages to my friends. Acquainted with this woman for many years, I can say that she is an outspoken and critical personality. They are clearly unhappy with each other and life in general. They spent hours drinking heavily, which I am told is their way. Others at the event seemed to ignore them.

The business lives on, but none of the abuser's children wanted to work in it. The abuser is well past retirement years, but still goes in to work because he just can't trust anyone else. I gather that those who work with him would prefer that he stay away. He is toxic to employees.

Post Script

My very good friend eventually remarried a nice man. They are happy together!